


if you go, take all my heart with you

by QuietLittleVoices



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: College era, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Drug Use, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15697848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietLittleVoices/pseuds/QuietLittleVoices
Summary: “How many times since then have you had sex, exactly?” she asked, pinning him down with a look.Jack rubbed a hand over his face. “Six,” he answered sheepishly.Lily sighed. “That’s not a bromance. Or a friendship. Just ask the idiot out, put him out of his misery.”





	if you go, take all my heart with you

**Author's Note:**

> The title is way more serious than either the song its from (Throw the Fear by Tom Rosenthal) or the fic itself.
> 
> Also, this fic is a mess but it's a fun mess I think.

Jack threw himself dramatically onto the sofa next to Lily and sighed pointedly, looking over at her. She ignored him, keeping her eyes on the book in her hands. Jack sighed again, louder, stretching out a little more so that his shoulder touched hers, but she kept ignoring him. Finally, he let himself fall into her lap, and she put her book down and glared at him. 

“What do you want?” she asked crossly.

“Sammy agreed to go to the gym with me today,” he lamented. 

Lily raised an eyebrow at him and started to pick her book back up. 

“I just -“ Jack sat back up, moving his hands useless in front of himself. “He looked so  _ good _ and his face got all scrunched up when he got frustrated and it was so  _ cute _ .”

Lily took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “You’re useless.”

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this!” Jack admitted. “Like, we have this bromance going on, right? But sometimes I look at him and it’s like... wow, I could spend the rest of my life with you! And he’d hate me if he knew that.”

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose, holding her book open in one hand. “I lose years off my life every time we have this conversation. Do you want me to die young, Jack? Is that what you want?”

Jack shrugged. “I’d get the whole inheritance. Seriously, though, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to scare him, and I want to be his friend no matter what. I’d rather just be friends with him forever then risk messing it up with a relationship or - or  _ declarations _ .”

“Didn’t you guys hook up at that party last month? I thought I  _ heard _ something,” Lily said pointedly, and Jack blushed and looked away.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “But that was just - drunk sex. He didn’t bring it up later.”

“ _ How _ many times since then have you had sex, exactly?” she asked, pinning him down with a look. 

Jack rubbed a hand over his face. “Six,” he answered sheepishly. 

Lily sighed. “That’s not a bromance. Or a friendship. Just ask the idiot out, put him out of his misery.”

Jack frowned and crossed his arms but didn’t reply, so Lily stood up and took her work with her. 

“Be that way,” she muttered, tapping him on the head with her book as she walked by. “But you’re buying me ear plugs because I can only stay out of the apartment so often.”

“Oh, God,” Jack said, moving slightly away from Lily reflexively and feeling his eyes widen. “Please tell me you can’t -”

She paused at the turn into the hallway and raised her eyebrows at him. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Jack dropped his face to his hands and heard her laugh as she walked back to her room.

 

The problem was that Jack knew Lily was right. 

He wasn’t completely oblivious - he knew that Sammy watched him as much as he watched Sammy, and Jack watched Sammy a lot. He just wasn’t sure what it meant, or that the answer mattered. 

Of course Sammy found him attractive - they’d slept together more than once, as Lily had so helpfully pointed out - but being attracted to someone didn’t necessarily mean more. 

And Jack wanted more. He knew it was a bad idea, and he didn’t plan on doing anything about it, but he wanted it.

“Remind me to never take you up on that again,” Sammy said from the kitchen.

Sammy was smiling at him good-naturedly through the doorway when Jack looked over, and he felt his heart do a half-skip. “What?”

“The gym,” Sammy answered, turning around to rifle through the fridge. “That was awful. I’m still sore - and I have a bruise on my arm? I don’t even know what happened but I hate it.”

Jack felt his face fall a little, and immediately tried to force himself into a neutral expression as Sammy turned back around to face him. “That - sucks,” he replied, feeling at a loss. “Sorry.”

Sammy shook his head. “Nah, it’s not your fault. Well - I don’t think I’ll be joining you again, though.”

“At least you tried,” Jack said lightly. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, the one that told him  _ he hated it, one of your favourite things, so what does that mean? _ , and pushed it as far away from him as he could. “I can’t believe you barely lasted an hour.”

“Whatever - I have other benefits.” Sammy met Jack’s eyes and blushed, immediately looking away again and focusing too hard on the sandwich he was making.

Jack felt the heat rising up to his face and got up off the couch abruptly. “Yeah,” he said lamely. “I have rugby practice, but I’ll see you later.” He left the apartment before he could hear Sammy’s reply, and only realized when he got to the car that he’d forgotten his rugby bag - not that it mattered, since he didn’t actually have practice, but the fact that it was sitting next to the door would probably tip Sammy off.

 

Jack liked going to parties - liked the way people turned the bass up on the speakers to make the walls shake and the rest of the song almost incomprehensible, liked the heat of people crowding in as close as possible regardless of the size of the room, even liked the shitty beer because it was free - but he knew that Sammy didn’t. They normally tried to stick together so that Sammy could pull Jack away when he needed to leave, but a few guys from one of Jack’s classes had seen him and roped him into a conversation. Sammy had slipped away and Jack had thought that he was just going to find them drinks, but five minutes passed, and then ten, then fifteen and Sammy still hadn’t returned so Jack excused himself and went looking.

Sammy wasn’t in the kitchen or either bathroom, and the second floor was blocked off with a couch so Jack headed onto the back porch. It was empty at first glance, even though the glass table had a few empty cans and a full ashtray that smelt like something other than tobacco. Jack was about to turn back into the house when he heard someone coughing and looked over to see Sammy sitting on the steps, just outside the reach of the porch light.

Jack went over and hopped down the steps to stand in the grass in front of Sammy, immediately growing concerned when he realized that Sammy looked upset. He reached up and put his hands on Sammy’s face. “Are you -” Jack paused, looking closer. “You’re high.”

Sammy giggled and it ended in another cough.

“I left you alone for twenty minutes,” Jack lamented, shifting to get his arms under Sammy’s and pull him upright. He felt grateful for the two inches he had on Sammy because he was getting no help. “C’mon. It’s time to go home.”

Sammy swayed against Jack but mostly kept his weight on his own two feet. They were completely in each others space and Jack could feel his breathing catch in his throat. Sammy hummed and Jack felt the vibration against his own chest. “Don’t wanna.”

Jack rolled his eyes and tried to move so he was next to Sammy, supporting him that way, but Sammy locked his arms around Jack’s waist. “Sammy,” Jack cautioned.

Sammy ignored him, or couldn’t register the tone - Jack couldn’t tell. He pushed himself up and kissed Jack, and Jack felt himself react before his brain caught up. He put his hands on Sammy’s chest and took a step back, trying to create distance between them. Sammy looked at him, obviously confused. 

“You’re high,” Jack repeated. “Time to sleep it off.”

Sammy frowned. “Jack,” he said slowly, closing his eyes and shaking his head slightly. When he opened his eyes again, they were a little more focused. There was no way he was  _ that _ high, Jack knew - it hadn’t been that long, and since he’d found Sammy alone it had probably been a few minutes already. “What’s wrong?” he asked, voice more clear and focused.

“Nothing,” Jack answered quickly. “I know it’s early but - you can’t really hold your… anything, so we can call it a night.”

“I can hang around if you want to stay,” Sammy offered, rubbing a hand over his face roughly. “I need water, we can go to - to the kitchen.”

Jack thought about standing next to Sammy for the rest of the night, Sammy hanging off him the way he could tend to when inebriated, and had to push the thought immediately out of his mind. Even the thought of Sammy’s body pressed up against his made his heart want to beat out of his chest. “You can stay. I’m gonna go home, though.”

Sammy reached towards Jack and Jack instinctively took another step back. “What’s wrong?” Sammy asked again, more insistently.

“I just…” Jack sighed. “We can talk about it later, okay?”

“No, c’mon - I want to know,” Sammy said. “Is it because of…” he trailed off and made a vague gesture between the two of them.

Jack bit his lip and considered his options. “Sort of? Look, I just - honestly, it’s not even a big deal. I’m just not looking to hook up right now. I’m looking for - for something more than that.”

“Oh,” Sammy said, and his face fell. “Okay then.”

Jack couldn’t stand to look at him and try to figure out what was going on in his head. “Anyway, I’m gonna go home,” he said quickly, walking past Sammy and up the stairs.

He heard Sammy say his name as he slid open the door, but he didn’t turn around, disappearing into the thrum of the party.

 

Jack locked himself in his room so that he couldn’t see or hear Sammy coming home. The problem came when he didn’t see Sammy the next day, or the day after, despite the fact that they lived together.

“He’s acting like a cryptid,” Jack muttered, crossing his arms and dropping onto the couch next to Lily after he caught sight of Sammy rushing out of their apartment.

Lily rolled her eyes. “What did you do?”

Jack frowned at her. “Why do you have to assume that I did something?” 

“Because I’ve met you,” Lily said, “and you’re the one sulking while he’s running away from you, so. Talk.” She shifted on the couch to face him, putting her hands on her knees.

Jack leaned back farther into the couch. “I told Sammy that I wanted more than just hook ups.”

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure?”

“I mean - pretty sure.” Jack sighed. “That’s basically exactly what I said.”

“Doubt it. But did you make it clear you wanted more with  _ him _ ?”

He thought about it. “Maybe not,” he admitted. “It doesn’t matter, though, because that isn’t what he wants. And I just fucked up our whole friendship by cutting this off - we were fine before!”

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m gonna kill you both, one day.” She paused for a moment before speaking again. “Have you considered just being honest with him? If you’ve already ‘fucked it up’ then what’s the harm?”

“He could think I’m a creep,” Jack answered immediately. “That I was taking advantage of him with my - my feelings.”

“He won’t,” Lily told him decisively. “I can’t help you if you’re gonna be like this.” She stood up and Jack reached out to grab her wrist. “What?”

Jack licked his lips. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “If I ask him - he’s not gonna hate me? I don’t care if he doesn’t want to… date, or whatever, but. I really can’t have him hate me, Lily.”

Lily’s eyes softened for a second when she looked down at him. “Yeah, Jack. I’m sure.”

 

It took almost a week for Jack to find Sammy alone for more than a few seconds. Every time it was just them in the apartment, Sammy disappeared and made all excuses to not have to look Jack in the eye.

Even when he did finally walk in to find Sammy in the middle of making something for lunch, it looked like Sammy was about to bolt. 

“Can we talk?” Jack asked, standing in the doorway to at least slow down any attempted exist.

Sammy looked like he was calculating his odds. “Fine.”

“Do you remember the other night at the party?” Jack shifted his weight awkwardly, trying not to lean against the wall.

“Yup.” Sammy looked down at the cutting board intently.

Jack nodded. “Okay, good. Do you wanna go on a date?”

Sammy’s head whipped up to look at Jack, finally. “What?”

“That’s fine, you don’t have to,” Jack said in a rush. “I just thought I’d try.” He started to turn around but Sammy reached over and his fingers skimmed the hem of Jack’s shirt sleeve, making him stop.

“I thought you said you didn’t want that.” 

“I don’t want something  _ meaningless _ ,” Jack told him. “That’s what I meant.”

Sammy shook his head. “You implied you wanted something more with someone else - not me.”

“Definitely not.” Jack took a step into the kitchen towards Sammy. “I meant you. I couldn’t just - keep doing the hooking up thing. I like you too much - probably love, actually, and it’s probably too early to say that.”

Sammy blinked at him and then started to laugh, but it wasn’t entirely happy. “I thought we were already dating. Then you said, with the - what you said. I thought it was already ‘something more’.”

Jack stopped in his tracks. “Well, fuck. I know I messed up but - yeah. We should have talked about it.” He took another step forward and reached for Sammy’s hand. “What would you say to… talking about it? Getting on the same page, here?”

Sammy laced their fingers together and Jack felt a smile tug at his lips. “Sounds like a good idea.” He stepped forwards and Jack met him halfway, leaning down to kiss him. Sammy smiled as they pulled apart. “For the record, I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you're still here... Leave a comment!
> 
> Also, I'd super appreciate it if you checked out my X Files AU (series name 'The Other Side'). No viewing or understanding of the X Files required, and the 'main series' is finished, but I'm still writing timestamps/one shots/extra stuff because I'm in love with the verse. TBH it's some of the work I'm most proud of writing in a long time so... Yeah. Check that out and leave a comment - I'd super appreciate it.


End file.
